point blank morning

.


I turn on the TV at 4 am.
I haven’t woken up this early since I quit the band
      and even then, it wasn’t ‘waking’  so much
      as ‘night walking’
headlong into a point blank morning.

there are only 7 channels-
3 of which are in Spanish
and always (always)
have beautiful latinas
dancing their sex into the sand
of an anonymous beach.
     And I have never felt
     less useful
     as a white woman.

Public access on 88 has a fat man in a turban
donating astrological forecasts
to insomniacs and people
with fucked internal clocks
       from dripping in and out of time
       zones.
Water-bearer, break when you are willing;
bend when you are not.

I turn off the TV at 4:36 am.
I haven’t gone to bed this early since I quit the band.
We had our bass player sex
in above-garage apartments.
I’m a cheap date with
vodka and orange.
And just the fact that he was there
       (and you were not)
made me throw-up
on the futon of some guy named Footer.

I always break, whether I’m willing or not.